“Can My Son Get More Worksheets Before The World Ends?” by Jeremy Blachman

Written by a student at Franciscan Missionaries of Our Lady University in the Spring of 2020

At a time when tensions are running high and whether one can get food, clean water, or toilet paper is uncertain, Jeremy Blachman’s “Can My Son Get More Worksheets Before The World Ends?” will give a person the stress relief they’ve been looking for. This brilliant piece, with its dark humor and relatability, can help lighten a parent’s dark days stuck inside their home due to the coronavirus.

The story is disguised as a letter from Bobby’s parent to a teacher, clearly using sarcasm and stark comparisons to show that there are bigger things to worry about these days besides vocabulary terms and multiplying fractions. The opening paragraph clearly illustrates this. “While I’m sure you’re busy stockpiling food and medicine, protecting your own family, and coping with the impending end of civilization as we know it, I wanted to ask — can you please send my son some more worksheets so that he doesn’t fall behind grade-level standards?” Where Bobby’s teacher is concerned about dioramas and if the boy can identify passive voice in a piece of nonfiction, his father is concerned with whether they can ever go outside again, bunkers, and pretty much the end of civilization as we know it. In lieu of watching for fever breaks and an ease of breathing, Blachman waits patiently for individualized assignments and worksheets on types of rocks. In different contexts, all of these worries are important. But when Blachman puts topics such as being in the highest reading group for one’s age and heading to the afterlife from a painful death side by side, the absurdity of thinking they are equally important is so ridiculous one has to laugh.

Blachman’s letter is also very relatable as the entire world is going through this ordeal. Parents of grade school children in particular will empathize with Bobby’s father and get a good chuckle poking fun at the bombardment of school assignments on superficial topics. Many parents have their own gripes as stories of taping their kids running for P.E. or doing martial arts (yes, martial arts) are now a regular part of their lives. They have other concerns, including whether or not they are still employed or still have insurance after being laid off. “We’re still waiting for a grade on my son’s poem about the start of spring as well, so if you can get to that before the financial system completes its epic collapse, that would be appreciated.” Will they have to start from the beginning once they seek new employment? Will anyone in the family get sick? If there are family members with illness, the extra tasks of helping a child manage schoolwork can get in the way of seeking the care the family needs. Any teachers reading this will have a unique perspective as the enforcers of their student’s education. They want their pupils to be well-rounded, educated people, but they may have to juggle caring for their own families and creating new curriculums on the fly as requested by their employers. Or they might be parents themselves and completely understand where Blachman is coming from, sharing in the irritation of managing their own child’s education and getting a kick out of the narrative.

Blachman’s well-written letter will make the saltiest parent laugh out loud at the state of these interesting times. It may even make the strictest teacher look at themselves and ask “Is it me?” Every line is carefully crafted to offer humor with a dose of reality. Dripping with sarcasm in the face of all this craziness, it offers up the best medicine to counteract the blues: laughter.